Back in the early 90's a friend of mine was putting together a yellow Yamaha RD400 with quite a few mods. We used to rib each other about the other's choice of bike, and at one point I sent out this reply to the common "Ducati's suck" comment I got in a certain e-mail. I know it's a little rough, but give me a break, I wrote it at work and didn't spend a bunch of time on it!


Ducatis are red, Ferraris are too. Joe's pretty jealous, cuz strokes? He's got two.

He calls the Ducs diesels, but his heart truly knows, Babes dig Ducatis, from their heads to their toes.

Diesels are smokey, stinky old things, but that also describes those two-stroke ring-dings.

Which brings up the sound they make when they're runnin', they all sound like bees who're on steroids or sumpthin'.

A Duc's wail has the sound of a deep soulful moan, (or perhaps of twin Toro's on testosterone?).

Two-strokes are fine for race tracks and such, but out on the street they're not good for much.

Cuz when you meet a babe in a tight-fitting dress, she'll ignore the RD and eye the SS.

She'll really decide she's found her slice of heaven, when she sees and hears my red 907.

Her breathing will quicken, her heart palpitate, she'll ask of the license "What's it mean, this 'D8 B8'"?

I'll say it's a joke, meant as a spoof. Though inside I'll think "it's a fact, you're my proof!"

But the reason I went out and spent all my money, was not to come up with bait for some honey.

If you must ask, you won't understand, why I bought this bike from that faraway land.

It could be the sensations when the throttle's tipped in, the effects of which linger in what's called "perma-grin".

And yes there are problems, most dealing with cost, that become most apparent, when balance is lost.

The plastic's expensive, the parts hard to get. And good mechanics? I've not found one yet.

These problems I've mentioned aren't even the worst. it's something quite different of which I've been cursed.

The one major problem, I hate to admit, is though the bike's willing, I can't ride worth a sh*t.

One other thing I think needs to be said, when you cut me I bleed Ducati red.

So don't you go dissin' my exotic machine. I stand by my colors; red, white, and green.

Besides we all know, if it was yours to choose, between a Duc and an RD, the two-stroke would lose.

So when you're writing "Duc's suck" with mock glee... Just remember your RD's the color of pee!

(obviously this was written before I bought my 996...)